TOXIC RISHTA CULTURE FROM THE MALE PERSPECTIVE
While guys do have the privilege to choose and propose a girl themselves or through their parents, it isn’t always a simple process for them as well. In our society, guys are usually more pampered thus, they do grow up with a certain level of social anxiety. They do try to fight it by being extra boisterous and flirtatious but deep down, the thought of settling down is a little too unnerving for them.
There are two scenarios at hand: one where they have chosen the girl and the other being where the family chooses the girl! While the first one is all mills and boons, the other can be extremely exhausting and also, at times, painful! Yes, you read that right. More often than not, especially in desi societies, guys too let go off their preferences or in some cases ‘loved’ ones due to the insane family pressure to get married and settle down.
You would be lying, if you said you didn’t know a guy or know of a guy who had to let go of his beau because of ‘family’ reasons; financial, age, caste etc. That’s how common and frustrating it is. We often tend to overlook the emotions men feel when they go through these things as we are somewhat convinced that they will move on faster because ‘Mard ko dard nai hota’ – It’s sickening to the core to know that men, especially in a desi society, are expected to be strong even if they are in severe pain! Be it emotional or physical.
Im some cases, men are expected to abide by family rules and not even consider marrying out of their caste – if God Forbid they do they are either given religious reasons, emotional or almost threatened to be disowned. Why does no one take a moment to understand that men too feel helpless and absolutely shattered at times when they put their foot down and give in to their family wishes because ‘Beta nahi tou aur kon karega!’
Another thing that boils the blood is the pressure to provide. During this time, when the economy is collapsing with each passing day, finding a job let alone a good job is not an easy feat. On the contrary, even if they do start to earn, isn’t it too soon for them to take such a big responsibility at such a young age of 23 to 25 or honestly even 30. Being married isn’t easy for either of the genders. For a man, apart from the emotional bond that they have to form, they are also under the constant pressure of making ends meet. Sure, if he belongs to a financially stable family, the pressure is almost not present but majority of our population struggles with finances. Families almost ignore these mere facts/scenario’s because getting their son married and having his child play around right before their eyes are the only things that seem to be important!
While we appreciate mothers from time to time for being selfless and putting everyone else first, and rightfully so, it’s imperative we also normalize appreciating men for letting go of a lot of things we may not be aware of, just to make sure the family Is happy and is being provided for!